The Signs of an Emotionally Emasculated Man
In this day and age, it seems there is increasing pressure from secular contemporary culture for men to become effeminate. This has resulted in celebrating “metrosexuality” (men who are not really gay, yet not masculine either), and other forms or expressions of manhood that do not resonate with the average American male.
(In spite of this, most best-selling action movies still celebrate male heroism, masculinity and strength because moviemakers know these caricatures of manhood rake in the most money!)
Part of the sanctification process must involve not just learning how to be a child of God but also how to function as a biblical male or female. Unfortunately, many men are afraid to act like men because true manhood is rarely celebrated in everyday contemporary culture, except in many movies, the military, and some aspects of contact sports.
The following are some signs of emotionally emasculated males.
Men that always concede leadership decisions to their wives
I have been married for almost 32 years and have learned the importance of mutual submission as taught in Ephesians 5:22. I have learned that I am to surrender myself and my life to please my wife and family on most issues. But, in issues related to making life-altering decisions related to our finances, ministry direction, and where we will live (to name a few), I am the primary person God will hold responsible for the direction of my life and family. Thus, I must have the final say on matters of this kind, while being very open to the wisdom and counsel of my spouse.
Men that allow their emotions to dictate their actions
Although men, like all humans, are emotional beings, we are taught in James 1:20 that the anger of man does not work out the righteousness of God. Hence, we need to make sure that we never allow ourselves to be led by our emotional state but by principle and divine purpose. Godly men in scripture were sober-minded, men of valor that did not allow fear to stop them from performing the task at hand. Those led by their emotions are more driven by how they feel than by what is right and honorable! Men of principle keep their word even when it hurts (Psalm 15:4).
In Job 38:3 God tells Job to “gird up his loins like a man and I will speak to you.” There is something about acting “manly” that releases God to speak to those He created as men, since biblical manhood involves being stewards of our emotions so that we are led by truth and not by mercurial feelings that can get in the way of biblical obedience.
Men that can never make a firm decision without second-guessing themselves
Part of the gift of masculinity is to be able to take risks and make hard leadership decisions based on scripture, wise counsel and prayer. Emotionally emasculated men are afraid of making hard decisions because they don’t have the courage to take risks or to suffer the consequences of their decisions. Thus, they are always paralyzed by excessive analysis and second-guessing themselves. This takes away from their call to lead as a man.
Men that are not the spiritual leaders of their homes
Being the spiritual leader is more than being the head of the house in terms of making decisions. It mainly has to do with leading by example: taking the initiative to serve others, to minister, to gather the family together for prayer and Bible study, to attend church, to put God first in the home and personal life.
Men that are led by their wives spiritually are emotionally and spiritually emasculated because they leave their wives spiritually uncovered, unprotected and waging spiritual warfare for their families by themselves! Men should not have to be dragged to church or pressured to pray with their families by their wives; men should be the ones blazing the trail for everyone else to follow!
Men that may act tough on the outside but are irresponsible regarding work and family
I have seen many men in church that are muscle-bound and act tough, but are flakey when it comes to being responsible at their jobs, with their families, or in church. Outward appearances and acting ‘big and bad’ is easy. True men are the ones who work very hard to provide for their families materially, emotionally and spiritually. Being responsible in spite of the hard grind of everyday life and conflict is one of the true tests of manhood in this day and age.
Men who abuse instead of protect women and children
Emotionally emasculated men are often insecure men who pick on those weaker than themselves to try to prove their manhood! Often this results in men verbally or physically abusing their spouses and children. This is not a sign of true manhood but a sign that they are lacking in true male identity and function.
Men who run from relational conflict
Nobody likes to have tough conversations with loved ones, business associates, or family members. Emotionally emasculated men give in to the fear of confrontation, procrastinate, or try to avoid conflict completely, perhaps fearing rejection or fearing more responsibility to make hard decisions that may arise out of such conflict.
True manhood involves meeting problems and conflicts head-on as the need arises and not running from them
In conclusion, there are many more things we could discuss regarding this issue. Part of our countercultural call as Christ-followers is to celebrate masculinity and femininity. Men should be celebrated as men, and ladies as ladies. We don’t need men to act or look like women and vice versa. We also don’t need hybrids of both. May God give us the courage to nurture the next generation to not only be spiritually but emotionally mature and secure in their gender functions and identity.
Also important to note, men (& women) must be able to confront themselves on the areas in life which are most difficult, challenging and personal in the light of God’s word. Facing that “MAN IN THE MIRROR”, that confrontation capacity is what makes a man – a man, not in his ability to lead others until he can do so for himself. Luke 16:11-12.
Sadly blaming the fruit of the church system on its off spring.
“Men that are not the spiritual leaders of their homes” Because the church structure ignores the husband role as the wife’s teacher, then the “ministry” gets up and teaches. Totally ignores what Paul wrote in1 cor 14. bunch of double speak by those who earn money power and position claiming to teach God’s truth. Then claim to have some insight other don’t.
Value’s vs. Pride ….integrity humility humbleness …..need I say much more
and you find that this is not discussed in mainstream christianity like many other biblical things.. there is other nonsense of man-made doctrines or pagan beliefs that have been kidnapped into the midst of the believer’s that have lost their Identity of who they were supposed to be.
Thank u Pastor, this was truly a good teaching. I pray a lot of men will read it.
right on I wss just sharing with someone about this
Amen!!
so refreshing the next genertion indeed must be taught to be emotionally mature and secure in their gender functions and identity amen.may we allow God to help us.
Very nice words and yes I agree with a lot of it . But I’ve seen men that try to be humble and meek and not rule with an iron fist. And the spirit of this age takes the women to a place Eve was at wanting her own knowledge and not lead by her husband . With that said if a man is meek and humble so much more a woman should be . The Bible planing says , women was made for man and he is to rule over her. I’m not hard on my wife , she has believe in this scripture and applied them and it works because Gods dosent fall. Like wise I have love my wife like Christ love the church. The world has gotten so far from the word and base things on their own understanding.
So a real man works like a slave for his family….. doesn’t sound like a full filing life.
For me, the sign of an emasculated man, is one who sits in church.
Unlike Jesus with His motley crew where their only requirements were to be faithful to Him, leaders of many churches today are adding a slew of pre-requisites onto teachers and preachers. Instead of letting good dads teach and shoulder their God-gift, church leaders make them sit and listen, oh, and fork over their cash. Instead of church leaders submitting to and being fed by the unpolished teaching of good dads in the congregation, church leaders have usurped that authority, lording their paid position over good dads, mirroring the pagan world’s work place.
My conclusion is that church leaders, being emasculated (or hypermasculated) themselves, live in fear of real God-fearing men. They are threatened by being “out-preached” or by “their flock” being lead astray. These e/hyper-masculated church leaders forget this truth: The flock is Christ’s and they are His under-shepherds, a hireling. The feeding of the flock is not their job solely, but a duty they engage in as part of a rotation of elder teaching. Feeding flows from the Spirit through Jesus – the Word of God – and out of ordinary men, aka the entire History of the Bible. It was never solely given to a paid position, as in reserved only for the guy with accredited Pastor/Bishop/Father (don’t get me started on titles). And to meet the contention that it is the paid church leader’s duty to watch out for wolves in sheep’s clothing, this duty was given to the elders, specifically the ones gifted with the Spirit of discernment – again, by origin, not a paid position but a position held by a God-fearing, faithful, good dad.
How to test my theory:
1. Read your Bible Daily and ask God’s Spirit to show you Jesus in books like Numbers, Solomon, Zechariah.
2. Teach and preach to your family and neighbors and strangers, telling them simply what Jesus has done for you (solicit the help of another good dad to aid you on your quest)
3. Once confirmed by His Spirit – keep in mind He can do quick work when it comes to making an Apostle – simply ask your church leadership when you can join the preaching rotation. Bring popcorn, it gets really good. Just kidding. Only ask that question after you have prayed and fasted.
Oh, and when you are asked to move on, aka kicked out of the synagogue like the blind-man-made-preacher, Jesus is ready and waiting for you.
What if you are not a good dad, but a good mom? Repeat step #1 and for step #2 ask your husband the same question about the passage you are reading that you had asked God’s Spirit. Then pray for him as he engages in battle with the Son.
What if you are not good? Repeat step #1.