Fifteen Reasons Men Don’t Attend Church
Perhaps the biggest need I have seen in the Body of Christ since entering full-time ministry in 1980 is the lack of male church attendance. This is especially true in Charismatic/Pentecostal churches in North America.
In many churches, male attendance comprises only 15% of the Sunday gender demographic. There are some exceptions to this: In our local church male attendance is typically 35%-40%, and Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn, New York has a male church attendance of about 51%.
In many cases men are dragged to church every Sunday by either their girlfriends or wives. This is a serious issue because statistics have shown that when a father attends church regularly there is an 85% chance that his spouse and children will attend church as well. Contrariwise, when only the wife attends church, only 15% of the time will her family follow. My observations of my own local church also bear this out.
I have spent much time pondering this issue. The following are some reasons why I believe this has occurred:
1. Many churches do not clearly articulate their vision. Men are generally task-oriented and are motivated by vision and purpose.
2. Sunday messages are often more hype than practical teaching with substance. Men are often very cognitive and logical, and crave practical teaching that will equip them to be better fathers, husbands, and businessmen.
3. Sunday worship often involves excessive displays of emotion that make men feel uncomfortable.
4. Sunday worship is often 45 minutes or longer, which is way too long for the average first-time male visitor.
5. Sunday services are too long, with lengthy announcements and other elongated verbiage most men deem unnecessary.
6. The lack of male leadership among the pastors, elders, deacons, and ministry team. The situation is even more exacerbated in cases when the senior pastor is a female, although this is improving in the corporate world. Most strong men have a hard time submitting to a female executive leader in a church setting. I am told there are some rare exceptions to this, although I have never witnesses one firsthand.
7. Lack of male bonding, fellowship, and men’s discipleship.
8. Men in marketplace leadership are not affirmed. Many businessmen feel their leadership gifting is not recognized in the local church; they are only viewed as cash cows to fund the local church.
9. The feminization of Christianity has caused numerous men to see Jesus and Christianity as wimpy and effeminate.
10. The Anabaptist concept of pacifism has infiltrated the Evangelical world and emasculated men’s innate desires to both defend and protect their families and country. For example, “turning the other cheek” in Matthew 5 has been misunderstood to mean that a man cannot go to war for his country and defend his family when they are threatened with bodily harm. This cannot be what Jesus meant, since going to war was expected in the Old Testament. Romans 13:4-7 teaches that magistrates act as God’s ministers when they use the sword to protect their citizens, and Jesus Himself resisted evil forcibly when He drove the money changers and thieves out of the temple. Thus, we conclude that “turning the other cheek” means that Christians should not fight merely if they are insulted, since being slapped on the cheek represents no mortal threat but is only a way of insulting the victim.
11. Many churches emphasize a feelings-centered subjective relationship with God rather than objective principle-centered faith based on the Word of God. Although feelings are important, it should also be emphasized that faith is first, then correct feelings will follow.
12. Most of the church celebrates Mother’s Day and ignores Father’s Day, due to family fragmentation and divorce. Often, boys are brought up by single mothers and do not even know how to relate to their earthly fathers and other male authority figures.
13. Many of the words in contemporary songs emphasize the church as the bride of Christ, thus emphasizing the believer’s role as the receiver in the relationship (a feminine position much like the wife in a marriage) instead of balancing out the songs with hymns and lyrics that emphasize Christ as King and His church as His army called forth to conquer the nations for Him.
14. In urban centers, especially among African-Americans and Hispanics, many boys are raised in fragmented families by single mothers, thus making it harder to disciple them when they come into the church. Generally, a woman does not have the capability to balance nurturing with strong correction to properly raise up a boy to manhood. Thus, often boys are undisciplined and not used to the confines of structure and male authority. The exception is when a boy is either in the military or team sports, in which the male coach becomes a surrogate father exerting authority in the boy’s life.
15. Many men (businessmen in particular) will attach themselves to a successful enterprise exhibiting a spirit of excellence and fiscal responsibility. This is a far cry from many shabby storefront church operations, in which the pastor runs a mom-and-pop shop with autocratic control without fiscal disclosure, accountability, and proper church government.
Books to read on this subject include Missing from Action: A Powerful Historical Response to the Crisis Among American Men by Weldon Hardenbrook and Terry Somerville; and The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity by Leon J. Podles.
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Thank you for your article.
The problem is that men are not hungering and thirsting for righteousness . If they were, they would be filled. Neither are lots of women. When you get full of God’s Spirit, you will worship longer and be so glad to be in the house of the Lord. You will be after God’s presence and not be “so about” your needs. All churches have flaws, people get in God’s way with their agendas, and we are lacking the power and presence of God because we don’t allow God to have His way in our services. We need male Godly leaders who will surrender to God fully .
I’m praying fora Mighty move of God in our nation. We all need to read Acts and act upon it. It would turn our world upside down for Christ, just like it did then, with the Apostles.
These are great Lessons to Learn and must be corrected
These are great Lessons to Learn and must be corrected
In the first place the church is not a building it is people having a relationship with the living God… So being a man is about teaching your family how to come before the throne of God… Churches that do that are over flowing with men who are hungry and thirsty ….
Many well-meaning Christians today are unaware that the biblical concept of “holiness” is derived from the word “separate.” As such, commandments against inter-religious unity of almost any form are found throughout the Bible. Even into the New Testament, the Apostle Paul commanded the Christian community to remain separate from other religious groups:
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are almost always portrayed as male in the Bible and in almost all Christian churches. Same with almost all the leaders in the Bible, pastors and leadership in churches.
Many other events that men attend last at least 45 min. If it’s your first time, see the service online first.
Most churches are very male-focused and have practical messages during services, events that attract males with goals such as bible studies, men’s groups that have trips and other events, local community service and global short-term missions. Men appreciate opportunities to feel useful, and there are many.
Other than in “holy roller” churches, a small minority, I’ve yet to see much display of emotion during church services.
Ive never been in a church that doesn’t celebrate Father’s Day. In fact, some have emphasize it over Mother’s Day.
Most churches acknowledge men in business and leadership in the community. That’s one of the reasons why they tend to be chosen for church governance over women.
The very message that churches give thats it’s all about relationship and not religion is the reason men don’t attend church. Men feel it’s not necessary.
This is a bias article toward Christ as the head of Church leadership. I grew up with male led church, male pastor and leadership.
The church doctrine was based on Christ is the head of the church, men that obey Christ have a better likelihood of women and children obeying the husband/father as the head of the family.
From my life experiences, many men choose not to acknowledge obedience to Christ as the head and submission to Christ the King.