With over 32 years of full-time ministry, I have been around many older ministers. I noticed that very few seemed satisfied with the way they had prioritized their time related to their ministry and personal life. Because of this, I often spend my time thinking many years ahead  when I will be nearing the end of my earthly sojourn and try to envision the types of activities and fruit I would bear that would most please me to eventually realize, based on the Scriptures and my calling. The following are observations that I have made for myself from the numerous discussions I have had with veteran and near-retirement ministers, so that I may press ahead with wisdom and not live my last days with regret, cynicism, and denial:

1. “I sacrificed my spouse and children on the altar of ministry.”

• People come and go in a church, but there is only one guaranteed set of people for which a minister will always be responsible: their spouse and children.
• Most ministers are so ambitious they try to build a ministry with folks that may or may not be with them a few years down the road.
• The spouses of ministers are usually the neediest people I meet in a typical congregation. Statistics show that most wives of senior pastors blame the ministry for their marital difficulties. Do we need to talk about what pictures come to mind when we think of the term “P.K.” (meaning, pastor’s kid)? The children and spouse of senior pastors often become embittered because the senior pastor’s focus is constantly on the needs and vision of the church, yet to the emotional neglect of the ones he is most responsible for.

2. “I put programs before people.”

• Getting new programs off the ground can often be exciting since doing so often promises to greatly add to the life and vision of the church. Unfortunately, most of the time the amount of energy and focus needed to properly implement a program takes the energy and focus of the senior pastor away from spending time with the key people he is assigned to mentor, develop, and release into their destiny.
• By the time most pastors realize being program-based has unnecessarily robbed them from the greatest assets for their church’s vision — key committed leaders and emerging leaders — they have already passed their prime and spent their greatest energy.

3. “I spent most of my time attempting to nurture the whole church myself instead of mentoring potential leaders.”

• Senior pastors are often spending unnecessary time either lamenting the loss of one of their members or spending many hours with high-maintenance people that usually never mature into high-output, fruit-bearing saints.
• I learned a long time ago that Satan will often try to wear me out with countless hours counseling someone who really has no interest in changing, but loves my attention because of their emotional need for affirmation.
• Since the late 1980’s I have made up my mind that I would build our local church based on the priorities laid out by Paul the Apostle in 2 Timothy 2:2, in which he instructed Timothy to spend his time with people who were faithful, called and capable to teach others.
• If any one of these three components Paul laid out is missing in a person, a senior pastor should not spend much time working with them. For example, a person may have ability but if they are not faithful, then their character is not commensurate with their gifting and they are a train wreck waiting to happen. Or, a person may be very faithful but does not have much anointing or calling on his or her life to be a leader. Thus, this person should be delegated to one of the small group leaders or lay ministers that can and should spend adequate time nurturing them.
• Also, every church has folks in attendance that are either part of the “A” team or “B” team; the “A” team is made up of people totally committed to the discipleship process and vision of the church, while the B” team is made up of those who want to attend church but do not really want to be discipled or be held accountable for growth. They just want to come to church to fulfill the minimum requirements of their Christian obligations. Those in the “B” category should never be the priority of the senior pastor’s time unless the Lord clearly gives a leading to focus on them. Sometimes people respond greatly to the attention of the senior pastor. Some do not think they have much of a calling or ability, meanwhile all they need is the senior pastor to speak a few words of activation to them which begins a great acceleration toward their Christian growth.

4. “I never befriended young people.”

• Rev. Billy Graham said one of his regrets is that he never prioritized making friends with younger ministers. He said this in his late eighties, when many of his friends had already gone to be with the Lord. (This statement made a great impact on me.)
• By incorporating a strategy to speak into the lives of much younger men than myself, I have now started another mentoring group composed of emerging leaders in their early twenties to late thirties. My goal is not only to develop great leaders for the Lord but to have a well-rounded life in which I am surrounded by people half my age and not just my peers.

5. “I raised up faithful church members instead of ‘sons and daughters.'”

• Years ago a minister once told me not to get too close to people in my young and growing church because it would create jealousy and division among church members who witnessed my favoritism. Thank God I never agreed with or took his advice. The Gospel accounts are replete with Jesus showing favoritism with the 70 disciples, then the 12, and then His inner circle of three, which He took with Him everywhere He went.
• I have many titles in my life: doctor, bishop, pastor, reverend. But the title I appreciate most and believe to be most important, by far,  is when someone in our church calls me dad. God is never referred to as doctor, apostle, bishop or the “great general in the sky.” He is known as “Father” because a father (or mother, if you are a female senior pastor) is by far the most important relationship any person could have with other people in a church. (I am not counting the role of husband or wife because you are only supposed to have one of those in a lifetime.)
• In his twilight years, John the Apostle once said the greatest joy he had on earth was knowing that his children walked in the truth (3 John 4).
• A few years ago I was in a hotel room speaking with two ministers who were at least 20 years older than me. I asked them two very important questions during our very meaningful dialogue, which were: In your opinion, do most ministers end well? And, if not, what is the number one reason they do not? I had expected them to answer the first question as they had, but I was not ready for the other reason they both gave. They said that older ministers they meet are dissatisfied with their lives, with some even being bitter and cynical. But their reason for “why” was the result of having few or no spiritual sons and daughters around them in their latter years.
• When we do not prioritize and facilitate meaningful relationships that transcend ministry and membership of a church, we will regret it when we are in our twilight years! Members come and go but sons and daughters remain part of your life for eternity, whether you stay in full-time church ministry or not.

Finally, when all is said and done and you are breathing your last breaths on Earth, the only fond memories you will have and the things that matter most to you will be the key relationships you were responsible for! After all, in eternity we are not going to be able to take beautiful cathedrals, homes, cars, money, etc. with us — only the people we have won to the Lord. Woe to the person who realizes this when it is too late!

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